Dear Dad … Giving a ‘Thank You’ Letter to an Elderly Parent as a Christmas Present.

I wrote a post on December 17th, 2012 about my experience of having written a ‘Thank You’ letter to my father when he was in good health and how it was one of the things that truly helped me in the aftermath of his death in 2010. I can honestly say that coming up to my sixth Christmas since his passing that I often think of that letter. 

The post itself is one of the most read here on Social Bridge. People don’t comment, they just read it, and I hope that at least some of them write a letter while they have time. Far better to write it when your parent is alive and well than writing it after they have died. 

Before I paste a copy of the post that I wrote in 2012, I must tell you that I recently came across a photograph that Dad took of the very place that I mention in the P.S. I will add it in at the end:

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In 2003, when my father was 84 and in good health,  I decided to give him the gift of  a ‘thank you’  letter for Christmas.  Interestingly, I can’t remember if I gave him anything else to supplement it but I know for sure that the letter meant the world to him then and means a huge amount to me now.

It was a five page letter, written by hand with a fountain pen, and started like this:

Dear Dad,

This may seem like an odd Christmas present but I want to remind you of all the really ‘fatherly’ things you have done for me since I was born.

It covered happy times growing up and moved on to his involvement in my education:

Another aspect of life was the academic; your willingness to pay for me all those years in Trinity. The PhD was the outcome for me –   a lot of money spent the outcome for you! Trinity was my first time away from home. I have vivid memories of you delivering and collecting me from Trinity Hall, driving me to the station, meeting buses. The car was always there and so were you with your warm smile.  

There was so much to say and on the last page, I wrote: 

In so many ways, it’s been the little things that have been everything – mopping up the  cuts, catching the mice, just being at the other end of the phone ….. Nights chatting over cups of tea and sugary hot orange drinks …..

Father never, ever mentioned the letter to me after I handed it to him in a yellow folder on Christmas Day in 2003 but my mother told me that he was deeply touched by it.  After he died  almost seven years later, I felt a great sense of happiness that I had taken that opportunity to thank him when he was fit and well.

I was rather surprised when I was clearing out his house that there was no sign of the letter. I doubted very much that he would have thrown it out  as he always kept things that mattered to him. Then on the day I was handing over the key, I decided to have one last look and there in a special hidey hole, I found the familiar yellow folder. It was well thumbed and I knew that he must have read the letter on quite a few occasions. It has now become one of my treasures and sources of solace.

So, from my experience, I would say: write that Christmas  ‘thank you’ letter now and don’t wait until it’s too late.

Oh and there was a PS in the letter:

PS: Remember that magic moment when we saw the deer crossing the mountains in the snow ….

The Comeragh Mountains, Co. Tipperary : Photo by Frank Tubridy 

 

That ‘Christmas Letter to Dad’ Post

I’ve been bowled over in recent weeks at the number of times a post I wrote last year called Dear Dad: Giving a Thank You Letter as a Christmas Present to an Elderly Parent has been visited.

The search term information suggests that people are looking for ideas for what to give an elderly parent for Christmas or have already thought about the idea of writing a ‘thank you’ letter and are just checking out the idea online.

It brings me more satisfaction than I can describe to feel that publishing that post may inspire even one person to write a ‘thank you’ letter to his/her elderly mother or father while he/she has the chance.

This is definitely a case of a blog post being a slow burner as it certainly didn’t seem to have touched too many people in the immediate aftermath of writing it.

The whole experience of knowing that the post is being read has brought Dad very much to mind in recent times and that’s saying a lot as he’s never more than a heartbeat away.

I treated myself to a rummage through some of his photographs this evening and this is the one that kept rising to the top.

Eyes of an Irish Bridge
Photo: Frank Tubridy

I’d love to hear about any posts that have been slow burners for you or that have made you glow with satisfaction to find that they have been picked up by far more people than you ever imagined. 

 

 

101 Ways to Cope with Losing Elderly Parents #18 ~ Give a Thank You Letter as a Christmas Gift

I wrote a post back on December 17th, 2012 about a Thank You Letter which I gave my father for Christmas  a few years before he died in 2010. It’s one of those posts that I wrote very much from the heart and I was a little surprised that it received so little attention at the time.

However, over the last few weeks, it has been the most read post on the entire blog by a long shot and that has made me think a lot more about whole idea of writing Thank You letters as Christmas gifts for one’s elderly parents.

I was fortunate that, for some reason, I was inspired to write the letter to my father while he was in good health and able to appreciate it.

However, I would say that it is never, ever too late to write that letter of thanks. Losing elderly parents, to me, is a process which can begin years before they actually die and goes on probably forever after they have died.

Heartfelt

I know now that my mother would have appreciated such a letter but I never wrote one to her. I’ve been thinking, though, that this year ~ the 6th Christmas without her here ~ that I will take time to write to her and say everything I would have wanted her to read.

Writing a Thank You letter to a parent can’t be a token gesture. If you feel that no thanks is due, then don’t do it. But, I guess that most of us have lots of things for which we can thank our parents.

So, I would urge anyone who is fortunate enough to have an elderly parent still alive and well to give the gift of time, thought and gratitude in a Thank You letter this Christmas. It is probably the present which will be most treasured by both the giver and the recipient. And if your elderly parents have already passed on, there is still time to write and the right time will come to you, as you are the only person who knows exactly how you are feeling about your parent.

Remember, there’s no set formula ~  be yourself and dig deep!