Forgive and Forget or …

I wonder how any of you feel about the matter of ‘confronting’ people who have caused one great hurt?

I know it is recommended by some ‘experts’ but is it helpful or does it do any good for anyone, especially if a good bit of time has passed.

Author: socialbridge

I am a sociologist and writer from Ireland. I have worked as a social researcher for 30 years and have had a lifelong passion for writing. My main research interests relate to health care and sense of place.

23 thoughts on “Forgive and Forget or …”

  1. I’m not a big fan of confrontation. I think if the occasion arises where the deed or situation can be talked about, I’ll take it. But I don’t go and search for it.

    1. Hi Dale, I’m certainly not into confronting people if at all possible either. I guess that’s why I posed the question as I feel it could worsen matters despite what the experts say.

  2. I think for some to move on in their lives and the person who is at fault needs to be put straight to the hurt that they inflicted. While in other situations it’s best to leave the old rubbish where it lies in the past and go in another direction. Each situation is different and warrants perhaps a different approach…Sometimes closing off the relationship is the best solution for all and if asked then tell the reason..

  3. Maybe it is not confrontation you need. Maybe it is just telling someone how they made you feel. If it weighs heavy on your shoulders and hurts your heart, it might be healing to say so. They may never acknowledge it and you must be prepared for that. On the other hand, forgiving says โ€œI release you from the hurt you caused meโ€ but forgetting, well remembering can be a defense mechanism which protects you from the same thing happening again.

    1. Interesting how my lovely Latin teacher reported that I don’t learn well from my mistakes. Thanks for reminding me of that in this context.
      And, yes, there is a need to be braced for aggravating a mess.

  4. This one really got me thinking. I tend to focus on moving forward, and I’ve never been good at confrontation. I feel like this is so dependent on the individual, though.

  5. i am of the thinking that my feelings are just as valid as anyone else’s and by feeling i cannot express them i am doing myself a disservice.However, i always consider deeply whether an actual confrontation would do more harm than good.For example, if i am pretty sure the person who hurt me is unwilling to listen or will cause me more hurt. If i am unsure, i simply tell the person that something they did hurt me and i would like a chance to discuss it in the event that it was a miscommunication. It has gone many ways…but usually a problem was resolved. Either they acknowledged the wrong or i walk away knowing i at least valued myself enough to address it.

  6. I think it depends on what happened. If someone said something hurtful or did something mean, itโ€™s probably easier to forgive and forget. If however the incident(s) is more serious… for example callously plotting and carrying out a deed to publicly humiliate/shame/embarrass, then perhaps the โ€˜forgetโ€™ option is best but it remains unforgiven.
    Iโ€™d say most of us have very few, if any, unforgiven AND unforgotten events marring our lives.
    Hope all is good with you! ๐Ÿ™‚

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