It’s one thing to make a personal decision and it’s quite another to tell the world about it. I’ve come to the conclusion, though, that there are some decisions that maybe need to ‘go public’ before they hit home, like the jolt you get when you last close the door of a house that has been home and know that you will never have the key to get back in.
It’s just over a week since I wrote about my decision to take ‘early retirement’ Early Retirement or Giving Up? This isn’t your usual ‘early retirement,’ if such a thing exists, but basically a decision taken after years not being able to find a way back into ’employment’ ~ or earning even a modest income ~ to put a STOP to the search which had become soul-destroyingly demoralising.
I have been absolutely amazed by the level of support which I have received through comments here, personal emails and face-to-face interaction.
I’m also pretty stunned by the extent to which the change of mindset has been so liberating. It feels like I’ve stopped banging my face against stone walls barbed wire and electric fences and begun to walk barefoot on warm sand with a balmy sea breeze gently soothing me. Frustration, anger, bitterness and a whole host of negative emotions that I hadn’t fully realised were even there, have dissolved.
Oh, I know that the decision to walk away from the search for money, income, funds is a HUGE one that slaps massive full stops on lots of hopes and dreams, even very minor ones, and adds an extra precariousness to a world that is already full of massive uncertainties.
It hasn’t been a week of sitting back with my slippers on and one in which the future has been waving at me with magic wands. Rather, it’s been a week in which ‘space’ has been on my mind ~ clearing it, walking in it; and most importantly, re-defining it.
So, thanks for your support, dear friends. Goodness only knows where the new spaces and definitions will lead but I hope I will see you in them.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there. (Rumi)