Crushing Crushes

I’ve written about crushes here before and over the last week the subject has reared its complex head again.

In short, I received a package from a guy who developed a crush on me way, way back when I was in my early teens. The large envelope contained a Valentine card and decades worth of Valentine quotes. There was also a very well-penned letter in which he explained the flip side of crushes and how it feels as if a piece of the heart has been stolen by the object of the crush.

I really, really thought that I had made it very clear over those years that I never, ever wanted to be part of the crush or see it develop into anything. Maybe I didn’t convey my thoughts well enough or maybe there was a deafness to them.

Okay, I went into silent mode then hoping that that would convey the fact that this was an entirely one-sided affair. Having read the letter, I feel now that there is a need to bring closure by acknowledging receipt of the package and stating absolutely that I want to give back the piece of heart that it I appear to have unwittingly stolen.

Why write about it all here? Well, I don’t have (nor do I want) an address to which to write privately. Also, I feel that this sorry episode highlights the extent to which personal blogs, especially, can be misinterpreted and need to be written with a clear focus on what they may dig up from the past.


Author: socialbridge

I am a sociologist and writer from Ireland. I have worked as a social researcher for 30 years and have had a lifelong passion for writing. My main research interests relate to health care and sense of place.

9 thoughts on “Crushing Crushes”

  1. You are so right there are many dangers and pitfalls and care is need. You are approaching the situation in the best way that I can see. Be firm and clear and remember this is not your fault or doing. PS love the photo. xxx

  2. Ooogh….awkward! Attention like that is never fun when it is not wanted. When I worked near the city once, there was a guy who would always be standing by the door of his establishment as I walked by. Being fairly polite, a curt nod of the head turned into a reciprocal ‘good morning’ which even after some weeks had a genuine smile and a few words about the weather attached to it.
    One day he beckoned to me. I said no and continued on, but he insisted it won’t take a minute. so I edged nearer to him. ‘Come in here’ says he. I put my foot down and said ‘either tell me from here or forget it.’
    So whilst I waited on the street by the front door of the building, I watched as he went to a cassette radio thingy and pushed play.
    A song that was number one in the UK for an unfeasibly long time wafted through the air,

    ‘I Wanna Wake Up With Yooooooo…I wanna be there when you open your eye-eyes
    I want you to be the first thing that I see….I wanna wake up with yoooooooo!’

    It was a great battle not to roar with laughter in his face, knowing how he must have planned this whole thing, all sweaty and hopeful for the romantic outcome that he would endlessly bore our grandchildren with. I can’t even remember how I extricated myself from the situation, save from mumbling something about being late for work. I have never been able to listen to that song the same way since. Like I say, in my case and possibly not yours, he was brave and one must always go for what one wants, but when it is not reciprocated…Awkward.

  3. Gosh. There’s a point where admiration from afar turns into stalking and that is most definitely not fun. A good and humane response Jean which hopefully does the trick.
    LOVE the editor’s ^^^ story – also that great picture – where is it?

  4. I cannot go back to the smiles of some girl in grammar school or high school, or even college. I cannot go back to the past for much of anything, except memories–of which some are better than others. But when I do stroll down that lane, It would be wrong to expect others who may have been there then to, at the same time, need or even want such a stroll.

    But for any lady that I may have felt a fondness for, if I could with current awareness, go back and deal with some things differently, some would today have different memories, and others would have become a passing nod, barely remembered at all.

    Yesterday is gone; there is no promise of tomorrow, so today is a good day. That’s where the peace is–right there under our feet. Some never know that, and so consequently, they never find it, though they chase it, frantically.

    But please be assured, ladies, that if I ever flirt with you now, be very careful about what you would encourage that you do not want to happen. Oh, not that I could be so easily had, but that the possibility exists within all of us that allow such embers to be fanned. And it is not just about me that I say such a thing, but for all others with feelings, be aware. And in that regard, feelings are not gender exclusive–no, they are not.

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